Thomas Tribune

Moving On

2009-04-26T05:40:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it has been over a week since we all saw each other at Mom's funeral. There are so many people I have to thank for being here and making it such a special day. You should hear from me soon.

This next week will prove very difficult for us and we try to adjust to life without Mom. It is strange how many times is the course of a week that we think about picking up the phone and telling her about something. Or how we wish she could see this or that, or share in the laughter of a moment. We feel that loss and it is very odd. I have not lost either of my parents and this is the closest I have come. I am not looking forward to it as I don't like the loss of my mother-in-law. We miss her.

I have gotten some sleep, have apparently gotten rid of the sinus infection that hit me the day before she passed, and I'm recovering from the abcess tooth that hit me the two days after her funeral. My sister says that when you are run down and tired, it will hit the weakest part of your body, and that is my mouth and teeth. I have to start that painful process next week with a visit to a endodontist and then an oral surgeon. Yea!!!

I did the weirdest thing yesterday, and I do not regret it for a minute. I cut my hair. Short. From the front it looks like I have pulled my hair up into a bun or ponytail, but when I turn around - Surprise! It is short and spiky (thanks to Super Stiffy). It is so neat. I look chic, sophisticated and fun all at the same time. And cooler. Jeremy loves this look. He didn't think he would but he does. I do wake up with some interesting bedhead though.

Sarah and I are also heading out to church this morning. We have not done this in a very long time. We are going to the church that supported us during all of these hard times we have gone through and that is Adairsville Baptist. God bless you all. Jeremy does not feel strong enough to go so let's pray he feels more like it next week. He is worried about being able to control Sarah. So I will take Sarah today and teach her how to behave in church. Granted, this may take a few weeks to get down, so I do hope the congregation is flexible. It just feels this is the right thing to do. And there are no more excuses about having too much to do and too many people to care for. It's time to care for me, my soul, my health, my teeth and yes, even my hair. Good changes. And a good time to do it.

My heart goes out this week to cousin Judi who has begun her own fight with breast cancer. This week she started loosing her hair. Though her attitude toward all this is great, this must be extremely disconcerting. I hope that it is not something I will need to endure. Fight the good fight Judi. And know that you do not walk this path alone.

Must close for now and wish you all the very best of weeks, of love and laughter. Enjoy those you love and hold them close. These are tender times for this family, but we are grateful being able to share them all with you.

Cindy's Heavenly Home

2009-04-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

Mom lost her battle with cancer early this morning. Jeremy and I were with her at the end of this life and we fulfilled our promise to her. She was so very afraid of dying alone, and she did not. She was afraid to dying in pain and suffering, and she did not. She did not want to go to a nursing home, and she did not. Jeremy promised her that these things would not occur to her and he held her hand as she breathed her last.

We are surprised that she was only with us less than three weeks. This is a testiment just how sick she truly was. Last Friday, the pain she was experiencing "changed" and was very hard to control. She was not the same after that point. While we were able to control the pain, something in her had also changed. She started to refuse food and water. On Monday morning I could not get her to drink at all and she was unable to take her medication. She spent much of Monday with her eyes closed, yet she was "talking" alot. She would move her lips and make facial expressions, but no sounds were being made. This continued for hours. She eventually fell quite and went on to be with Jesus and all of those loved ones who went on before. I love to think of the celebration in heaven early this morning.

Our special thanks go out to the wonderful nurses, aids, social workers and all others involved with United Hospice in Calhoun. These people have dedicated their lives to making this transition of life easier for those who are on the journey and those who will be left behind. I believe it is only after your loved one is gone do you realize how very much they helped you too! You were all loving, caring and professional and we could not have managed this without you.

We also could not have done this without the prayers and support of those who love us. We could feel you there and so could Mom. We would have never been able to do this for her without you.

Her funeral is planned for Friday, April 17, in Adairsville. She will be buried here so that we can continue to look after her in the coming years. I will not be posting again for some time. Thank you all for everything.

Week One Update

2009-04-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a week as of yesterday that Mom came to live with us. She seems to be more comfortable and less stressed. Her room has been completed except for a chair that she wants in her room that needs a little cleaning before it comes in. Her pain medication has been adjusted to better meet her needs and the hospice personnel seem extremely kind and attentive. She still can't wrap her head around the fact that they don't want her in any pain. She has been in pain for so long that this is a new concept.

One of our problems is her appetite for certain foods. All she wants right now is coconut cake and ice cream. And while we do give these to her liberally, we know that it is not healthy. We have offered other options like cream of wheat (which she normally loves), Carnation Instant Breakfast, Ensure drinks, different sandwiches, cereal, etc. Her best eaten meal here was meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn. She ate almost an entire plate but has refused leftovers.

Today she states that she doesn't feel well and she has slept a great deal today. This evening she did eat some chalupas from Taco Bell, but not much else other than a piece of bologna, cake and ice cream. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

All in all, I think it is going well as we adjust to life together again. Please keeps those cards and letters coming. Love you all.

Tuesday Nuze

2009-04-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend was very hectic for everyone. We do have all of the furniture that Mom wanted cleaned and in her room. I haven't had time to hang the drapes yet but the pictures are up and he room is starting to look quite cozy. I found a picture of her mother, Helen, in her jewelry box. It was torn a bit but when I showed it to her she just smiled and said "There's my Mama." Well, I kinda snuck it out and found a nice 5x7 frame that was matted down to a 4x6 and places her mom's picture in it. I surprised her by placing it on the bookcase in her room along with a bunch of other pictures she hadn't see in some time simply because she couldn't get around her house to see them. She was thrilled and it meant alot to me that she was excited.

She has been fairly comfortable and the hospice doctor has her on quite a few meds. They have upped her morphine dosage and this seems to make more comfortable than anything though she will sleep more. She craves this coconut cake from the local bakery and eats about 4 pieces a day! Hospice said let her eat whatever she wants though I do try to get some good food down her sometime. We are not talking about little pieces of cake her either. These are big ol' mochers!

I think it is finally dawning on her that she is not going home and that her heavenly home awaits her, though we don't know when that will be. Our job is to make her as comfortable as possible. She is requesting anti-anxiety medication on a regular basis because she starts worrying about things and what the future has in store for her.

I have asked her is she wants to make telephone calls to family and friends but she says that she is not up to it right now. I remind her that it would be good not to shut herself off from everyone. You should make the call if you want to speak with her. The phone number she had when she was with us last time will be activated in her room today (or so Ma Bell says!) so she will have her phone again.

We also got a set of walkie talkies so she can get to us anywhere in the house or if we are in the yard. It has an emergency call signal so she can summon us whenever.

Please send her cards and letters - she loves to get mail.

have a great day!

Moving Day Thanks

2009-04-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

My thanks to all who help move some of Cindy's things up to Adairsville today. First I want to that Steven who did a huge bit of the heavy lifting and packing o' the truck. He also let Sarah ride with him in the big truck and let her listen to her music. She idolizes her brother. My thanks to Larry who helped pay for the truck and for loading it in Doraville. Huge thanks to Aunt Judi who came to the our and went to the store which provided dinner for us all. She also had the unenviable job of going through each and every drawer of three dressers with Cindy trying to decide what to keep, what to trash and what to donate to Good Will. And those of you who know Cindy and the pack rat that resides within her soul will realize what a task that was! Brian came over after work thinking that he and Steven were going to leave and hang our for the rest of the weekend, but he got sucked into the vortex and we also pressed into service for a while. Thanks for helping Brian and for being a good sport about it. I love you. My loving that's to Jeremy who was supervising everything and keeping an eye on Sarah Bear and his Mom while we were all busy on other projects. To keep the chaos complete, a friend of Steven's and her little girl and over, as well the Will from the church who had offerred to clean out our gutters. it was fabulous! It looked like we were having a very strange block party. We had more cars parked at our house that the "Open House" across the street.

I don't think I could have done this without each and every one of you. There are a lot of loose strings to tie up tomorrow before I feel ready to go back to work on Monday. Mainly I have enough laundry to fill Turner stadium. If this keeps up, I'm gonna need some commercial size washers and dryers! Come to think of it, my dryer is being to fuss a little bit.

My love to you all who helped us today. Cindy is finally resting comfortably and will have a very cozy room by the end of tomorrow. Me? I'm going to be resting comfortably in my very cozy room in about 5 minutes. Talk to ya tomorrow!

1

She's Here!!

2009-04-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

Mom arrived here by ambulance about 45 minutes ago. We are waiting for the hospice nurse to come and take care of her meds and give us all the info we need. She is comfortably situated in a hospital bed with an air mattress (which she loves) and has a bed table, bedside toilet,etc. Larry brought her TV up along with her phone and comforter and pillows so she is cozy. It's going to take her awhile to figure out where all her favorite channels are. She is tired from the trip, but seems very happy.

The church is providing dinner for us, as they do every Wednesday night. However, if it's anything chicken we will get Mom something else as you all know how fond she is of chicken!!!

I will be putting on a pot of tea soon as sweet tea is a love of hers and will help make her comfortable. Her room is set up, but the rest of the house is a mess because all of that stuf had to go somewhere. I will work on that later on this evening also.

Hopefully we will all have a comfortable evening adjusting.

Pray for us all.

Decision Made

2009-04-01T04:24:00.000-07:00

The care facility that AJ and I looked at last weekend would not accept Mom because they knew she would become and long term care patient and did have the room for her there. The social worker at Dekalb said that another nursing home would take her but it was just and, or equally, as bad as the other one she refused to go to. She wants to go home. So Jeremy told the social worker that. It turns out that a doctor has the right to refuse care to a patient in certain situations, like Mom going home. Which was totally inappropriate as she would not be cared for, wouldn't be able to get up on her own for toileting, food, drink, etc. Not to mention the danger she would be in if faced with taking care of her own medication.

Mom is coming back to Adairsville to live with us. She will be on hospice which means she will no longer be under the care of her Dr. J. She will be cared for by United Hospice in Calhoun, who I heard great things about from our friend the pharmacist when they cared for her father. She will have a hospice nurse come out 3 - 5 days a week for care management. They are delivering a hospital bed with her air mattress today along with her oxygen equipment, wheelchair, bedside toilet, sheets, etc., etc., this morning. She will arrive by ambulance between noon and one.

This means I had an entire room to clean out and prepare last night after cheerleading and dinner and Sarah's bath, but it is done. Now the rest of the house needs some work as all that stuff had to go somewhere! A CNA will be hired to come in and spend 3 - 4 hours a day with her especially around lunch to help with her meals and keeping her company. Jeremy will do what he can but he will have Sarah to deal with. I am continuing to work as we were just given our insurance benefits again. I MUSt work so that we also have medical coverage.

Pray for us and Cindy as begin to take care of her in these final stages of her life. I want them to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to be all stressed out like I did last time. For those of you who have not done this, it can be very difficult. Work will be my daily break, which is not something I had last time.

I'll be talking with you soon!

Today's Cindy Update

2009-03-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

As I figured, Cindy wasn't moved today to the rehabilitation center. I'm sure that us changing ships mid-stream didn't help much, but she will be comfortable where she is for another night. We know that the orders have been written by Dr. J and the only thing we are waiting on is for the center to make travel arrangements to Dekalb on a daily basis for radiation treatment. I'll keep you posted...

Pocketbook or Purse

2009-03-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

I think of the strangest things sometimes. Worse yet is Jeremy and I actually get into discussions about them.

Do you call it a purse or a pocketbook? I used to call it a pocketbook when I was growing up, but when I got older I called it a purse. Is a "southern" thing to call it a pocketbook? You certaining can't put mine into a pocket and it doesn't open like a book. It will hold books though. As a matter of fact, quite a few as mine is as big as a small suitcase. This was a habit I got into when the kids where growing up.

A man's wallet will fold and open like a book and it fits into a pocket. Why isn't a wallet called a pocketbook? And what's this new term "man bag"? Doesn't that sound vile? I think I will start calling Jeremy's wallet his pocketbook because it makes more sense. My purse will be my purse though Jeremy calls it a black hole. He will not look for anything that may have fallen into it for fear his hand will not come back.

Pocketbook? Purse? What cha think?

What To Do With Jeremy's Mom

2009-03-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

As most of you are aware, Cindy's health has continues to decline over the past year or so. She was hospitalized in last January of this year and diagnosed with congestive heart failure (CHF). Paramedics had to be called due to difficulty breathing, altered mental status and an irregular heart rhythm. She was intubated in the ER and kept in ICU for about and week and then moved to a step down unit. The CHF diagnosis now prevents her from receiving any futher chemo therapy for her bone cancer, which is actually breast cancer that metastizied into bone cancer.

At the end of February, or early March, she went into hospice care at a facility in Atlanta. She was no longer under the care of her oncologist, Dr. "J" and this upset her a great deal. In order for Dr. J to get a look at her and see just what her prognosis was she needed to be transferred to Dekalb Medical Center which is where most of her care has been.

Additional tests have been run and the CHF diagnosis confirmed. While the cancer has not spread, they cannot tell how involved the cancer is. What we do know is this is very painful for her. Dr. J has told her many times that the cancer is not what will kill her, but the other medical problems, such as the CHF, that will occur during the course of the cancer. She recommended a course of treatment that included daily radiation treatment, not as a curative measure, but for pain control. She has been receiving these while in the hospital.

Her insurance company will not allow her to stay in the hospital any longer and the search was on for nursing care for her. Our first wish was to have her stay in her home. She would need 24-hour care as Larry works nights and sleeps during the day. Insurance will not pay for 24-hour care. Even if we cut it back to 16 hours a day we are looking at a staggering amount of money. She is basically bed ridden. She is catheterized and needs a great deal of assistance in transferring to a bedside toilet for bowel movements. She also has a problem with incontinence in this area and will soil the bed without knowing she has done so. She cannot manage her own medication as she gets confused at times and is not aware when her last meds were taken. She cannot get out of bed to obtain fluids or food and these must be provided to her.

Rehabilitation has been considered, but until her pain is controlled in a way that doesn't make her groggy it is too dangerous for her attempt getting out of bed. It is also too painful.

We considered bring her to our home again, but I now have a job that I must maintain so that Jeremy continues to have medical insurance. I know that you all must understand that. When she was here before I wasn't working and I could handle it better. Without nursing help, caring for her here would be an impossible task. Once again, insurance will not provide for private nurses. She would also not be able to transport to Dekalb daily for her radiation treatments, should she decide to continue those. We are too far away.

The social worker at Dekalb has been pushing for her enter Manor Care Rehab across the street from the hospital. This place was a dump when Jeremy and I transported patients to it many years ago and it is still a place I wouldn't put my dog. This is also the place that Cindy's mother was in for a while suffered abuse at the hands of the staff. So needless to say she didn't want to go into this place. However, Larry decided that all of these places "were the same" and was preparing to sign the paperwork to place her in this hell hole when Jeremy and I started to do what Larry was too stupid and lazy to do a week ago and research nursing homes in the Decatur area. Not to mention that it is plan cruel to allow her to go the place that mistreated her own mother. There was no thought whatsoever for her feelings. Guess where I think Larry should go if the need ever arises?

US News and World report online has a fantastic listing of every nursing home in the US, sorted by state and then sorted by a star system not unlike hotels use with 5 stars being the very best and 1 star being the hell holes. Guess where Manor Care ranked? They also have findings from their last state inspections, including nurse to patient care ratios, percentage of patients who get bed sores, etc. Almost 1/4 of Manor Care's patients ended up with bed sores. I did find a good place in Tucker that was ranked 4 stars and called them. I could tour the facility on Saturday and called AJ to see if she could meet me there.

Jeremy let his dad know and he met us there too, much to my chagrin. The place has been there for a while and I remembered it after we got inside. I did not smell urine or feces. There were no patients sitting out in the hallways in their wheelchairs. There were no patients moaning or groaning or asking for help. It was nicely carpeted with fresh paint and wallpaper, a nice family area and grounds. We did not encounter a single staff member who did not smile and greet us. Very nice. I had made my decision, as had AJ. We really didn't care what Larry thought. Oh yea, the national average for patients developing bedsores while in a care facility is 4%. Golden Living's average was 3%. Manor Care's average was 23%. You tell me.

Telling Cindy all this was another story. She is very upset that she is having to go into a care home, even if it is temporary until we can find out if her strength can be restored or if she wants to go into hospice care again. This is an agonizing decision to make. There are no local family members who can give her the care she deserves and needs. No one has the money to support it either. We know she can't go home and we know she hates the idea of a care facility. We just don't know what else to do. It was a very long day.

I urge you all to let me know what your ideas are. She is extremely depressed at the thought of this. It doesn't make us happy either.